I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
cat food counts as protein by the way
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
