I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
