mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
