erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
