we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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