I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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