My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
