two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
