i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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