sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
