Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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