How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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