I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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