We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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