I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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