we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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