so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
