Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
