Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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