I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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