ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
