morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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