trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize