I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
