Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
please don't ironically join a cult
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