Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize