I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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