dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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