I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
