My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
only if we run a train.
done.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
