OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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