Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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