My liver just broke up with me...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
