When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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