Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize