the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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