one word: firstdatebathroomanal
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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