Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
