So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
