it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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