I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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