people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
