im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
