Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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