That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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