Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
