I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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