Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
