Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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