AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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