he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Never underestimate the power of titties
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
