If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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