I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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