I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
