i think my tv is drunk
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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