Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
