Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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