Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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