then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
