Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
two words...techno handjob
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
