Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
