He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
