u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
