I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
