i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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