She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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