she was so not down for the gang bang
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
