i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I need moral support for this bender
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
