I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
