I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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