the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
